In
art,
artist
Who, What, Why
There has always been a feeling deep inside me of what this life is, though what it is I have yet to find out. Don't we all have this feeling within us, tickling us as we turn a corner and even bothering us deep into sleepless nights, letting us think of why we are here and usually ends up with the question, who are we, really?
Well, it's never been easy for me to define who I am. All I know is that I am immensely in love with this world I live in. And it's the littlest things that I feel ever did give a hint of who I am as a person.
Illustrations have always been a huge part of me. May it be someone else's or mine, it never failed to stir so much feeling and thought in me. I did draw a lot and it can be anything - the ever-present flowers, young looking ladies, characters filled with oh so many backstories. There are always two sides to them too. One is the bright spot of sunshine that lingers in my art, and then there's this starlit darkness that seemed to perpetuate in some of the themes I did, like that one about the uselessness of beauty if emptiness is what defines us. Yes, I struggle between these two, always had. But then, I realized that I didn't have to choose between them - I just had to embrace them fully because I feel it now that they both tell me who I am.
Then there are these amazing living beings who live this life along with me. It's hard to think how I would live my days and nights without them around me. Family, friends and nature, just hovering over me like guardians. I love them so much and I know that they have taught me so much - taught me how to live in kindness and love even though it is hard to always live constantly with both, and how to fight for myself to have my place in this world, to have my voice be heard, that no matter how little I may sound, someone or something is bound to be listening.
Then here are the simplest things that are part of who I am. I have always loved the tiniest things - a leaf lying on the ground, or the unexpected bird feather that finds its way to my little hands (yes, I have little hands that feel happy when I touch the simple unnoticed things, haha!). I have always marvelled at the beauty of sunshine, the comfort of the rain, the little corner filled with golden light, the sound of paper scratching against another.
There is comfort in the sleepless nights too as I have learned not so long ago. I have always been a sun person, preferring to get everything done in the day despite how wound up I'd get by dusk. But then, it's during the middle of the night where everyone's asleep and everything is all silent that I get to listen to my thoughts.
It was surprising how comfortable I felt being awake by 4am with nothing to listen to but my racing thoughts. I have listened and thought about so many things and it is in these quiet and alone moments that helped me refocus on my life. It's easy to become lost in the tides called imagery and perfection. And it is in the solitude of night time that I have realized that even when things go awry and imperfect or sometimes even haywire that life is still basically the same good adventure that it should be. I became even more accepting of things, of myself. And it felt so wonderful just realizing it.
Then there the words - endless, deep, lovingly whispering in my mind. These simple little things mean so much to me. I had loved to write my thoughts down for as long as I can remember, grammatically wrong and full of chicken scratch.
And there are the books. I could not express fully just how books make up a huge part of me. The stories, the feelings and the characters lingered in me like they were my own memories. And I loved every bit of words that I devoured at every turn of the page.
So in my love for it, I have started to write a little more again, sometimes stories, sometimes just thoughts within the span of 140 words (hello Twitter). The words that gave me inspiration will always find themselves written with several florals as typography artwork.
These things serve as my inspiration, my mantras.
And girl do I love them - I am looking at you, Katie Daisy, my soul sister.
So many things making the most of who I am, just how in the world do they fit inside me? Well, it's true, things do not define you.
It is the ones I get from them, from everything, that makes me who I am.
Having loved to create, there's this need, a yearning, to make something that would let people know who I am, what I sound like, what I might look like, whenever they see something I have made. I didn't want to call it a logo, nor a signage. I wanted it to be more of a signature, an insignia. And so I did this. Florals surrounding my initials in abundance, the way things that make me who I am are.
Funnily enough, my mother and my cousin asked, after showing this to them, what I would do with my initials here if ever I did marry and accept a new surname (seems a little bleak right now, ha!) My mother said I should retain it, my cousin said I should change the whole arrangement. I thought about it carefully. And I replied, "I'll put the new initial right there with the old initials, changing little to nothing of the former arrangement." My mother said it would look rather odd. This was my reply:
Like the leaves and flowers that embrace my initials, my insignia simply grows like them. Little change in look, but it grows like a tree, new leaves adding up like flowers and leaves. Nothing of my former name will go or change and instead, my new initial would simply grow into it, becoming a whole new part of me.
With everything I make, you'll see this. And I am content that somehow, it will remind you of me, that I have crossed your path even just once. And it is a lovely thought, is it not?
Black ink strokes, flowers and leaves - I find myself entranced by these all the time and I draw them more often, sometimes more than I wanted to. They've become part of my subconscious and in my deep entrancement during my sketches, my hand would simply and almost automatically draw doodles of flora of different kinds. I believe it came from my fascination for nature. It came almost as if I have seen sunlight, meadows, oceans and felt the wind whipping my hair, warm water trickling by my feet on a stoney riverbed, all before I was born. I believe it is fitting, almost honourably, to be represented by them. I shall share the complete illustration with you in the next post.
I am excited to show you what I have made during the last three weeks, and I hope you shall like it.
Also, I have reached out to a fellow ex-intern to create stamps for my illustrations. It is a wonderful collaboration.
Cheers,
Mariel
Hello everyone!
Hope you all had a great weekend! The new week is here and I hope you all have had some good time to rest and catch up with life. Our Saturday was spent fetching the newest member of our family Graham, the overly active and slobbery kisser Siberian husky. He seems to get pretty well with our little Hiro. Anyways, I found my time being taken over mostly with all the caring and cleaning that comes along with raising a new pup, but here I am now, typing away in joy as the two canine brothers play like kindergarteners--sweet and curious. And also, I have been writing again. Learning the Danish language is also on my list, though having no plans of going to Denmark anytime soon, it is still a mystery as to why I would love to learn this language. But I feel like I have fallen in love with the language and culture of this country, just as I have loved learning new things -- it is exciting. Alright, now back to this post, I have been musing again.
I find myself busy with illustrations these past two weeks and I am loving every minute of it. I get to illustrate and experiment a lot.
First, the tools of the trade. Ink, pencils, an array of brushes, water bottles and yes, the never-ending to-do list. I must also metion my brother's anatomy book, which I have suddenly now remembered was and still is in my possession. And of course, coffee. Endless supply of coffee to keep the spirits up and running until the wee hours of the morning, the time when I could ink in either silence or listening in earnest to historical documentaries...and the occassional Linkin Park.
Within the last week or so, some concepts have been playing inside my mind, and these are the two. First is this, the lady in gold. I have not any title yet, but this is what is behind the illustration.
"What use is a pretty face if one is but empty inside?"
Do you ever feel like her?
Vines are entertwined within her empty chest, wrapped within the individual bones of her ribcage, with nothing even a heart inside to stir meaning and passion into her being. She is abandoned deep inside.
This has been so far some of the things that I think about whenever I'm alone with my thoughts at night or the early hours before dawn, letting them go around my head in an attempt to understand them, making the best of what I can from my insomnia.
This is the second. I have always been illustrating ladies with florals. I haven't really figured out why. Until some grain of thoughts have entered my subconscious. There was always this image of perfection lately. Not just in the media but also to our own personal standards, including my own. I have fallen prey to criticising my image and even my accomplishments. Mostly though, it was the image I was projecting to everyone.
Am I good enough? Am I presentable? Am I pleasant looking?
These nudes of women that I make, varying in shapes and sizes, as I have realized lately, show nothing of the garments that show status, money, fame, fashion, and more. It was just them, as they are. The florals though, have been and still is, quite a mystery. Is it the pureness of it? Or the aura of nature's ethereal beauty that is deep within their beings that show in these florals? I am still not sure enough. Still, I draw them.
So dear readers, what do you feel?
There! Now to be honest I feel quite tired, true, since it is but 2:27am. But my mind wanders still.
Until the next post!
Cheers!
