Wind and Sky
8:40 PM
Odgerel looks up at the sky, the warmth of the sun radiating brightly against the embroidered threads on his clothes that shine blindingly, almost rivals to the bright day star. The sun seemed almost as if it blinked, twice, as Oktai and Gerel flew beneath it, their wings hovering beautifully in the air. The blue expanse, devoid of clouds, was like the mirror of the sea, a place which Odgerel has heard of from his ancestors but has never seen it himself. Is it as vast as the summer sky? As rich in stars like the mysterious black sky?
Gerel landed on Odgerel's outstretched hand, her feathers fluffed in pride as her friend caressed them lovingly. Oktai, as always, would perch on his back, nipping his ear affectionately. Odgerel could imagine what his winged friends have seen -- sometimes he'd like to be them, to be able to soar amongst the tallest mountains or be in the company of other beings. As he ruffled Oktai's feathers, he saw in his friend's eyes another version of him. Maybe it's like the sky and the sea -- different, but similar in many ways. Miles apart, but still the same, in a way. He smiled as the wind whipped his hair, watching his friends drift between sky and sand.
~
I am curious, what does it feel like to be beside the sky?
Have you ever stood on top of a mountain peak, looking over a vast horizon as endless as the sea and sky, or felt the cold wind shake your body as if it is trying to finally wake up your soul? How beautiful it must feel! The light of the sun shining beautifully over the vastness of it all, making everything even more breathtaking. I have never been high up on a mountain before and therefore have not seen a vast horizon. Many times I have seen the ocean and felt insignificant and small yet strangely attached to it. Is it the same with being up in the mountains? What am I missing? I have seen the clouds beneath me as I rode the airplane, but is it different from being on a peak, feeling the wind shift, the clouds like an illuminated ocean right at the same level as your own feet that took you up the mountain? I should like to feel that, even once, no, maybe several times, hopefully.
~
Drawing Odgerel and his friends Oktai and Gerel was a challenge. Every thought was challenged, every stroke indecisive and at some point, I felt afraid. I wasn't really sure how I was going to go about it. Looking closely at the texture of his skin, I am quite sure it's obvious just how many mistakes there are. I'm quite humbled to know that I did finish it and I do quite like it as well, especially when their story came into mind and heart. I am glad I never gave up. I walked back and forth just looking at him, wondering however shall I do once I mess another thing up. But I am happy I was challenged -- it gave me such restlessness that an ordinary day can't give and I felt like I should focus more.
I have been lacking the discipline to keep drawing on a regular basis. There are days when I draw too much and some where not even an idea comes at all. This one is sort of an "ice breaker"? I 'm not sure how to describe it, but it certainly pulled me from my rather "used" state. When I say used, it's that feeling where you just know what to do all the time, and you know all the solutions. I don't mind it, in fact, I would so much love to know what I should be doing! But, in came to a point where I couldn't advance since I felt like what I was doing was the same all the time. It kind of makes me afraid that that was all I'll ever be able to do.
So I must find new things.
Finding new things is tough! It feels scary. Some days I'll space out or at night I would lie in bed and look up at my golden-light filled room, wondering just how would I ever succeed in doing something new. I am putting much pressure unto myself. But I have to, so I will move forward. If not, I do not advance at all, I'll just be stuck. And I would hate myself so much if that's the case. I hope not.
I do so much want to see the sea like Odgerel. He's been living in the desert surrounded by mountains and fields. Though he adores his home so much, he yearns for something new. He's curious. He's ready to know. Then maybe, after we both see and experience what we want, we can find something new again in the place we call home, new eyes to see new things in familiar places. Wouldn't that be nice too?
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