String threads of blue and green, tautly stitched upon milk-white canvas – why must you be so intoxicating? Too much time choosing colors and sketching designs against the rather impatient eagerness to start thrills me. Even the sharp prick of a needle that draws the red crimson from my skin scares me not. Once I start the tedious push and pull of threads, I feel so at peace. — I’m so happy to have found something that eases my restless mind and heart. 

I am far too happy to be doing embroidery until way past midnight. Like illustrating and writing stories, I often times find myself lost in the long process of creating such embroidered curiosities. Despite the lancing pain of a needle poking my fingers in my eagerness to finally create a leaf or two, I still feel calm. I hate it when needles poke mercilessly through skin and yet, for this, I can tolerate them. 

In lazy (relaxed but still doing lots of things and hey, define busy) days, I always revert to my cottage lass form, enjoying endless cups of coffee or tea while busying myself with illustration and embroidery. I find myself thinking, just why do I keep myself busy with these? Well, aside from the fact that drawing on paper and pulling threads both give me an indispensable feeling of comfort and & familiarity, I much rather enjoy the tedious work of improving my skills and learning new things. I must learn and improve, always. To strive to be better, that's what I always wanted to keep on doing. It is such a huge world of possibilities out there and I am always yearning to at least take hold of some. In a small corner of the village, inside a sunny yellow house, I find myself open to the world. I'm still yearning to see the world as it is, and that is to be out there, experiencing it. For now, I shall continue working and planning to do so. 

Busy days often grab me by the sleeves -- do these illustrations, write those stories for that new book, learn how to sew bags, do more digital art and backgrounds, enroll in Japanese class, get a working visa in Japan, find a job, promote Etsy shop, apply for this and that. I'm so busy despite not having a day job. I suppose trying to manage my time and tasks as well as my goals is also the same as illustrating and embroidery -- do them one by one and with great focus. 

Ironically, I'm currently in a state of recluse as my eyelids are suffering from blepharitis, an infection that affects the glands of my eyelashes. I have to stay at home. But even though I must stop myself from illustrating and facing the computer and relax for several hours at an interval, I managed to finish that illustration piece that I've been meaning to accomplish and update all that needs to be updated (I made a Ko-Fi account! :3). I can't be stopped, even by myself, apparently. 

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Belongingness. I'm not sure if that's even a word, but it certainly is a feeling. When I look at the sky, sometimes I ask it if I am where I should be. I know it sounds like a scene from a movie but it's true -- I do have this feeling of wanting to know if where I am standing is the place where my soul should reside, where it should live as it should be. Sometimes, too, I question myself if I am accepted for who I am. Not that anyone needs other's acceptance in order to be happy, but sometimes it happens. Don't you ever have that feeling? There are times when people judge other people, not just for their decisions but also for their personality and status. It's hard when people want others to change and follow their standards. If only we all could be like the woman in the forest or the beings who accept without judgement. The world needs this kind of kindness and respect. If only. Then, what will the world become? Is it not a wonderful thing?